How to train up your man…

  • Friday, October 10th, 2014

So the other day my friend Sancia tagged me in a Facebook post where a circa 1950s ad was making the rounds about how husbands should train up their wives to be good housekeepers. You and I both know that that was the era of female domesticity and if you couldn’t cook, wash or take care of a bunch of screaming brats, you were seen as deficient and not quite a woman. Praise God that those backwards days are gone….for the most part. Yes you still have some prehistoric men who would love for their women to still be barefoot and pregnant but since we have evolved past being ‘cooky lillies’ and ‘washy dorothies’ as my friend Andreen call them, we are just gonna roll over that concept and keep on trucking! Right? Right

So the ad actually got me thinking that instead training up women, we so called ‘fairer sex’ should actually put some thought into how we want our mates to be and start training them up so that we can get some good hybrids that will be more to our liking and preference. So let’s talk about training up our men and the attributes that we are desirous of them having. So ladies let’s see what a well train man can be like. Hmmmmm sounds good don’t it?

DISCLAIMER: Do not call me when your husband leaves home in frustration or puts you out because you did not realise that I was simply poking fun, being silly and did not actually think anyone would take this literally.

Train him to:

*Put on your make-up and lipstick perfectly

*Fetch your bedroom slippers and robes when you come home tired

*Cook a three course meal from scratch daily

*Wake up in the middle of the night to attend to the baby

*Clean up around the house, tidy up after the children and put their toys away

*Take you to the movies fortnightly and a romantic meal at a nice restaurant weekly

*Tell you he loves you every time you step into a room

*Give you a mind numbing orgasm every time you have sex!

*Paint your toe nails for you every weekend

*Massage your feet nightly while he watches ‘Scandal’ with you

*Be your designated driver and chauffeur you and your friends around when you have a girls’ night out.

*Hold your hair when you are throwing up from too much partying

  • Sit with you at the hairdresser through all the gossiping and detailed talk about of joys of childbirth
  • Go to the store or supermarket and buy your brand of sanitary napkins or tampons
  • Sit with you on Saturday night and watch ‘Iyanla Fix My Life’
  • Helps you pull your braid or your weave out your head
  • Listen to you when you come in from working upset over your co-worker and joins you in calling them names behind their backs
  • Shaves your legs and tweezes your eyebrows
  • Sit on the couch with you in his boxers eating junk food and watching a weekend marathon of chick flicks like ‘The Colour Purple’, ‘The Notebook’, ‘An Affair to Remember’, ‘Dirty Dancing’ and ‘Beaches’.