Wishes for 2016

  • Thursday, December 31st, 2015

As we draw close to a new year and the singing of Auld lang Syne, I wish for my friends and family a peaceful, prosperous and healthy 2016 with all the bells and whistles possible. I also have some more specific wishes that should benefit the majority of Jamaicans and if you don’t agree wid dem all, that’s cool cuz I probably won’t agree with your list but here goes…

  1. People will stop making silly resolutions dem really caa keep. Like de woman dem who waa lose weight fi look like Halle Berry or de man dem wey a try buss eena de music business fi de last 10 years and caa buss cuz dem a iron balloon! If you’re an accountant why not be the best accountant you can be? Who de hell sey you ago blow up like Kartel! Be realistic man! Cho!
  2. There will be no more covers of Adele’s ‘Hello’!! I’m about sick of all these people trying to do over this song who end up sounding like when donkey a gi birth! Sas Crise! Dem nuh have nuh honest friend fi tell dem sey dem nuh mek it? No Sah!
  3. Our Politicians would get their ‘acks’ together. As Wally British would style it. It’s almost 54 years since our independence and we still don’t have people in parliament looking out for our collective best interest. It’s easy to be disenchanted but I’m not giving up hope. I can’t afford to …I live here!mansion or monstrosity?
  4. JPS will stop rob we blind! Backside man! Me a pay thru me teet and thousands still a throw up line pon pole like a prayer s dem a try throw up to God! Me sick a it man!
  5. Gully Bop will fade into the sunset! I don’t care wey unnu waa sey, me sick a him and him publicity stunt dem and wish he would just go back to the gully with him one degeh chiffon coloured side tooth. Looking like a snaggle puss pon hot brick!
  6. Andrew Holness will done build him monstrosity a mean mansion. So we can done talk bout it already! Seen
  7. Asafa will stop run and just gwan ‘mogle’. Listen man when you blessed wid dem deh looks (and dat deh ‘man package’!!) you fi milk it fi all its worth! Leave de track and just keep on a pair of trunks and mek we women feel good a look pon u calendar 365 days a de year! Glory!
  8. Me will finally stick to me diet! A don’t waa hear nutten from the hecklers and penny section fi 2016. Let me do it in me owna time! Ahoe!
  9. back to the gully
  10. All bad mind ‘creh beh-creh beh’ and users will relocate to a leper colony. By de way, leprosy still deh? I’m just asking.
  11. Zik V or whatever it name no lick Jamaica! Trust me people we caa tek another epidemic! Chick V killed and maimed enough people, leaving plenty with arthritis. Whatever else is out there, I wish for it to spin its roll and go back from whence it came!
  12. We nuh have nuh more drought! Listen man, dams and reservoirs full now and so it fi tan! Tired fi a bathe wid bockle and eena pan like me a pickney! Its 2016 fi Pete’s sake!
  13. The economy turns around. And we all start mek some money and live good and import less crap from ‘farin’. Sas crise man! Cho
  14. I continue to do well in school. Trust me it nuh easy but I forge ahead in Jesus name to conquer de demon name STATISTICS next semester! Jesus tek de wheel…and drive off fass fass!time fi this stop!
  15. Me and Deigo produce one show wey sell off! De amount a experience me have behind de scene inna theatre and de way him can grin him 64, we must can have a collaboration that bear fruit!
  16. We will spend less time with gadgetry. People need to spend less time with their phones and more time having real, quality face-to-face interactions with others.
  17. Me will win de super lotto. Granted a don’t buy a ticket yet…but you never know. Me hand miggle a scratch me and a nuh dirty it dirty!!