Is it ok to date your friend’s ex?

  • Monday, April 16th, 2018

Picture this. In 2011 you were dating Ronny but you broke up for several reasons in 2015, one of which is that his one eyed snake was always wondering off into foreign pum pum fields all hours of the night when he claimed to be working.

So you lef him, bawl, cuss, eat ice cream, vent to your girlfriends including Shanice, tek to you bed, watch lifetime movies and cuss how every man a dawg. In time you got over it, over the situation and more importantly over him. You got a new hairdo, new outlook, attitude and eventually a new beau who treat you like a queen.

Fast forward to last weekend when Shanice came over for your regular girl night out and yall in the bathroom doing hair and make-up before you hit the club when she says she has something to run by you…and action….

Shanice : so guess who I ran into recently?

You: who?

Shanice : Guess nuh!

You: me caa guess. Just tell me.

Shanice : You ex man

You: Jermaine? A when him land?

Shanice : no, the next one?

You: You mean rancid Ronny? Why u love bring up that man name to me?

Shanice: Cuz me buck him eena d bank and tings a gwan fi him

You: Hmmmmm

Shanice: All look like him a work out and him clothes sort out and ting

You: what a way u did a pree him eena d ppl dem bank

Shanice:(nervous laughter) a nuh nutten man, me just mean sey him a keep up himself u know.

But your bubble gut feeling in your stomach warned you that there was more the story. And sure enough a few weeks later you’re on instagram and there they are, all lovey lovey in Negril on the white sandy beach swapping spit and making cow eyes at each other! Judas! Benedict Arnold!  You grab your fone and was about to text her some choice fabric (claat) and when you stop to think :do you really have the right to curse her out?

Granted she could have done the decent thing and come to you woman at woman and told you that she thought Rancid Ronny was now Romeo Ronny in her eyes. Yes she should have levelled with you about her interest in your ex man but since she didn’t, what can you really do about the situation? Yes you can block her, call her every nasty name in the dictionary (and a few that won’t ever make it!) but after venting does it change anything? Not really.

So now that you know she’s a homie hopper, what are you going to do about your friendship? Do you cut her off and declare her persona non grata or do you give it some time, lick your wounds silently and then try to patch things up down the road? Before you can consider any of that you need to examine this question: Did she violate the friendship by dating your ex?

Some would say yes it’s a definite disrespect on her part as she is putting the new relationship over your friendship, thus she prolly wasn’t a true friend to begin with.  In short it is a betrayal of your trust. A real friend would not put themselves in a position that would lead to dating the ex lover of someone they called a sister. However others would say nothing is really wrong  because that relationship ended, both parties have moved on and that if as long as she wasn’t dating him when you guys were together, nothing is wrong with her seeing someone you once had a relationship with.

Hmmmm sounds good and all kumbaya on paper but in practice it can be a different sinting all together. First of all there, will be awkwardness when you all get together for drinks or dinner or just to hangout. Is he allowed to tag along or will it be an unspoken rule for her to just not bring him around you? All of that has to be sorted it. Then you have the bigger issue of this man previously being intimate with you…and now being intimate with your friend Imma let that stew in your brain for a while. So now this man has ‘biblical’ knowledge of both of your physical anatomies. Do you wonder if he’s doing the whole compare and contrast bedroom thing in his head? Have mercy Percy! Now you have an idea of the mess this can all be.

All things being said before you consider it, consider this: if the person you want to bring to the picnic or dinner will cause those present to raise a eyebrow, gossip, whisper or worse feel uncomfortable at a occasion that should be festive and fun….it’s prolly not a good idea.